They Bite!

Don't be polite.
Bite in.
Pick it up with your fingers and lick the juice that
may run down your chin.
It is ready and ripe now, whenever you are.
You do not need a knife or fork or spoon
or plate or napkin or tablecloth.
For there is no core
or stem
or rind
or pit
or seed
or skin
to throw away.

How To Eat A Poem, Eve Merriam

The relationship between the praying mantid and I is at best, tense. I know how useful they are in the garden, I know they eat pests, I know, I know... and yet, they make me feel like a three year old facing the monster inside the closet, coming out for a bite and a tan. Simply put, I try my best to stay out of their way.

La relación entre las mantis religiosas y yo, es por decirlo finamente, tensa. Sé que son buenas en el jardín, sé que se comen otros bichos, lo sé, lo sé... y aún y con eso, me hacen sentir como a una cria mirando al monstruo de dentro del armario que ha salido a tomar el sol y a por un aperitivo. Suelo evitarlas en lo posible.

Well, it was last week when I found one on the front porch. Afraid that the cats would eat it, I moved it to a planter, gingerly carrying it with a stick. It hissed at me! The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. For days, I was cautious while watering or deadheading. I knew the green monster must have been sitting nearby. I looked twice before sticking my hand anywhere near there. Then it happened: out I went to grab a tomato or two, walked back and whammo! It bit my ankle! It had moved back to the middle of the front porch and there it was, looking at me with sheer defiance in its alien face. The scream must have been heard from counties nearby, of that I am sure. I was a little ashamed, a little confused. They aren't supposed to attack humans, I didn't mean to hurt it (I had saved its life a few days before! Come on, remember me?).

La semana pasada encontré una en medio del porche. Me dió miedo que se la comieran los gatos. La cogí con un palo con mucho mimo para moverla a una jardinera. Me bufó! Los pelos se me pusieron como escarpias. Los siguientes dias, tuve mucho ojo cuando regué o corté hojas y flores muertas. Sabía que el monstruo verde andaba cerca. Y entonces pasó lo inevitable: salí a cortar un par de tomates, y cuando volví, zás! me mordió en el tobillo! Se había bajado de la jardinera y allí estaba, de nuevo en medio del porche, mirándome con ojos desafiantes en su cara de extraterrestre. El grito se debió oir en varios condados. Me avergonzé un poco, me dejó un poco descolocada. Las mantis no muerden humanos. No había intentado hacerle daño (le había salvado la vida unos dias antes! No te acuerdas de mi!?).

It took me a few minutes to compose myself. First instinct told me it should be crushed under my mighty flipflop. Then I petered out. I took a long stick and relocated it to the neighbor's yard.

Estuve unos minutos intentando calmarme. El instinto me decía "písala". Y no fuí capaz. Cogí otro palo bien largo y la llevé al jardín de la vecina.

And yes, I am prepared. When I hear the neighbor scream, I'll know the praying mantis has claimed yet another unsuspecting victim :)

Y sí, estoy preparada. Más tarde o más temprano oiré el grito de la vecina y sabré que la mantis religiosa se ha merendado otra víctima humana :)